101 Funny Valentine Messages, Wishes and Quotes

Valentine’s Day meant nothing to me before you, it’s still means nothing. But I love you anyway.

May God fills your heart with love and your wallet with money so you can buy some chocolates for your honey! Happy valentine’s day!

You don’t need a valentine to spend time with on valentine’s day, just like you don’t need HIV on AIDS day.

Celebrating Valentine’s Day looks great in movies. But in real life, it’s just horrible and costly. Try buying a bouquet of flowers and you’ll know!

Let’s pretend for one day that we love each other more than anything else. We can avoid each other for the rest of 364 days!

Whoever said Valentine’s day is only for lovers? I love you my best friend! Happy Valentine’s day.

I need to upgrade the power of my glasses because I’m blindly in love with you.

The best way to spend this valentine’s day for me is to spend it with the love of my life – food. Wishing happy valentines day to you!

I am not saying that I care about money more than I do about you. But it’s my father’s advice to spend my money on good purposes only! Happy Valentine’s Day!

You don’t need flowers to smell sweet and don’t need ornaments to look beautiful. And then I thought you don’t need a valentine’s day either to be loved!

You cannot define love in one word and you cannot celebrate love in one day. That’s why I don’t have any plans with you on this Valentine’s Day!

Today, let us celebrate the early demise of all men in promoting love just like Saint Valentine did before his own sad demise!

I guess you didn’t steal my heart; you completely grabbed me from me! Happy Valentine’s day.

I like the way you chew my mind like a bar of chocolate. It’s just a matter of days before I become brain dead because of your love!

I have found my way back to your heart like a stray dog finds his way back home. Thank you for letting me in every time. Happy valentine’s day!

Loving you is my job and every job holder needs the motivation to work. Can I have some motivation tonight? Happy valentine’s day!

I love the way people ask me about my plans on valentine’s as if they don’t know I’m single.

I don’t always celebrate valentine’s day, but I make sure I have a fake smile on my face when I do.

I hate valentine’s day because it makes me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. But I do like the memes. So yeah, keep sending me those!

It feels so sad to know that you don’t have any special person to spend Valentine’s day with. You better spend the day with me, and better luck next year!

Valentine’s day is one day to stay committed to one person and the other days are for other persons.

I hope you have prepared the best valentine’s day gift for your best friend!

On this valentine’s day, if you don’t have anyone, don’t be sad. Just know that you’re not the only one.

Girlfriends are temporary, friends are permanent. Accept this truth, my friend. Let’s spend this Valentine’s Day high on drugs and drunk as a lord!

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.

Do you know the very famous quote saint valentines said before his death? – he said, “don’t buy a cow when you can have milk for free’’!

Love is just like a fart. If you push it, it will be crap. Happy valentine’s day, my friend!

If you feel lonely today, just remind yourself that yesterday you felt the same as today, and tomorrow will not be different either. Happy valentine’s day!

Whatever you do, don’t commit yourself. You’ll be dead long before your death. Happy valentine’s day!

Love is like a blanket. It will keep you warm and safe for some time but very soon you’ll realize that it was an electric blanket and someone else is in control of the switch!

I don’t mind being a security guard while you’re dating as long as you’re paying for me being drunk & grabbing some hookers from the club.

It’s always a wonder how the least intelligent guy in the friend circle gets the most beautiful girl in the class. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dear friend, wishing you a happy valentine’s day. I hope you will enjoy yourself with your girlfriend since she won’t leave you to accompany your friends for a night out party.

Darling, I think we will have a great time together today. Just don’t forget to spend some time on dental cleaning. Happy valentine’s day!

A date with you? No thanks, I would rather have an apple by myself alone. Happy valentine’s day!

You are just as much weird as me. That makes us a perfect couple. Happy valentine’s day to my crazy one!

The world is filled with so many people with so little love. Tonight, let’s make some love together. Happy valentine’s day!

Buy me chocolates and flowers today, or tonight you dine alone. The choice is yours, darling. Happy valentine’s day to you with love!

Happy Valentine’s Day. Here is the list of things you should buy me because you are the best boyfriend in the entire world.

Want to know my plan for today? Getting you arrested for stealing my heart. Happy valentine’s day, my love!

I would say you are my favorite thing about Valentine’s Day but then I remember chocolates exist. So, you are my second favorite thing about Valentine’s Day.

I love you so much, I could steal the moon for you, but for now, here I stole chocolates. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Thanks to me being so beautiful, we make the most gorgeous couple. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I love you like a lazy guy loves his bed in the morning. I want you like a monkey wants a banana and I crave for you as a fat boy craves for chocolates.

If you can’t buy happiness with money, try buying a valentine’s gift for me. It will work like magic. I can guarantee you that!

When people ask me what the best thing about you is, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you. Happy valentine’s Day!

I don’t need a lot of candies this valentine’s day because I’m on a diet. You can buy me diamonds instead!

I just found out that I have fallen in love more deeply than I had originally planned. You can take this as a valentine’s day confession from me!

I wish I could wrap all my love for you in a box and send you as a gift on this valentine’s day. But I couldn’t send it because there is not such a big box to carry all my love for you.

Happy valentine’s day my love. Can you help me find the cheapest dinner plan for the two of us tonight? I’ll be forever grateful to you for that!

What if I told you that you cleaning up all the dishes seduces me more than you whining about a candlelight dinner on valentine’s day?

Before our relationship, you told me you ain’t got time for valentine’s day. Well, I’ve just realized that you lied about that. Happy valentine’s day anyway!

If my wealth grew as much as my love for you today, I’d be on the Forbes list of richest men in the world. Happy valentine’s day!

Girl, are you a library book? Because I can’t stop looking for you! Loving you is a weird thing and a roller coaster ride for me. Happy Valentine’s day!

It is hard to be wise and a lover at the same time while loving you. Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart!

I don’t usually hang out on valentine’s day, but when I do, I make sure It’s with someone so gorgeous as you!

I was single and sad. And then I met you and realized being single was not so bad. Just kidding! Happy valentine’s day, my love!

My healthcare plan does not cover the broken heart. So please don’t leave me ever. Happy valentine’s day!

I wish I could strip your clothes off tonight like the way you strip a bar of wrapped chocolate. I really wish I was with you tonight. Happy valentine’s day sweetheart!

You may not have someone to love but at least your pocket is safe & secure. Enjoy your life man! I’ve started to envy you already!

Every Valentine’s Day creates a hole in my pocket that I need the whole year to repair. I’m glad that you’re still single!

The power of human brain is unlimited. Even a loser can create an imaginary valentine for himself anytime. Then my friend, why you’re so sad?

Even God couldn’t find someone for you in all these years. Maybe she is not born yet, or maybe she is from mars! Happy Valentine’s Day!

I get it, you are not single; you’re just waiting for something real, which unfortunately will never happen. Happy valentine’s day!

Having a great time with my GF so far, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing today? How does it feel like dating yourself? I’m dying to know!

I have never seen anyone more romantic and caring as a person than you are. Maybe this is the reason why you are still single!

If you remain single for the next 2 years, you should really consider dating yourself. Because you are one of a kind and there’s no one like you!

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Happy Valentine’s Day to Me!

What present will you give for your right hand during Valentine’s Day?

Here’s Valentine’s Day filled with good wine, good food and especially good friends like you.

Roses are red, fitness is great, I would’ve gotten you chocolate, but you need to lose some weight.

Every man would agree that the 14th of February should be celebrated in a fiscally but not sexually conservative way.

My friends are the weirdest, craziest people I know but I love them. Happy Valentines’ Day everyone!

I wish you a Happy Valentine’s Day with all my heart, and lungs, and liver, and spleen…!

Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.

Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And it would be best if you used your imagination too.

Valentine’s day is the perfect day to tell you those three special words… Let’s get naked!

“If my Valentine you won’t be, I’ll hang myself on your Christmas tree.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” – Unknown

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans

“It’s called Valentine’s Day, you moron. If you’re going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays.” – Abbi Glines

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” – Lewis Black

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“The Eskimos have fifty-two words for snow because it is so special to them; there ought to be as many for love.” – Margaret Atwood

“True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H. L. Mencken

I called the police to get you arrested. Your crime is stealing my heart and taking my breath away. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Every day with you is Valentine, that’s why I don’t have any special gift for you today.

This Valentine I am officially requesting you to leave my head, I can’t stop thinking about you.

I had a crush on so many guys, but you were the most handsome among all of them. So you are the luckiest guy who got me right beside you. Happy Valentine’s day!

Let’s pretend like we are one of the best couples in the world. Other days, nobody will notice us.

Nobody will love you like me after knowing all your weird habits. Happy Valentine’s day!

I always wondered what it is like to spend Valentine’s Day with the most awesome person in the world? Now I can know. So, wife, how is it to spend Valentine’s Day with me?

Happy Valentine’s Day. I can’t imagine how lucky you are to be married to me!

We slew the dating game, now we are slaying the married life. Happy Valentine’s Day.

You are a robber and a drug dealer at the same time. Because you not only stole my heart but also made me addicted to you. Happy Valentine’s day, my dear husband.

Happy Valentine’s day. This valentine, I hope you’ll stop getting on my nerves.

Next valentine, you may be changing the diaper of our kids, so better enjoy the valentine this year!