Funny Retirement Wishes, Messages and Quotes

Before you’d have to wait for holidays, now the rest of your life is one! Do enjoy it.

Retirement is like graduation- only this time, you will do a masters on laziness!

Seeing your performance over the years you’ve worked, I’m sure that you’ll be very good at doing nothing!

For someone who looks forward to lay around all day, retirement must be thrilling! Have fun.

Now you’re rich and fat, what can be a perfect time for retiring? You’ve chosen the right path!

Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!

It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not, because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.

Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.

Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.

No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditation’s you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.

Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all, for all the years that you were working, you took things easy. Why should you change now?

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.

When people say that this place will not be the same without you, they actually mean that it will be less annoying.

You’re retiring now? I thought you did it the day you joined here. I mean, when did you ever work?

If this workplace were a hell, which it is, you’d be one of the greatest devils of it, and you’ll be missed.

People who call sloths the laziest animals surely have never met you. You were born to retire, buddy.

Don’t let everyone’s loving words fool you; I’m the only one in the office who is going to miss you.

I used to be excited about retirement until I saw you. God forbid that I become as grumpy as you!

This is the only time when everyone at the office will be looking up to you. Who doesn’t want to get out of this place!

Ah retirement, the days of daydreaming and sleeping till noon, all the things you’re good at!

I’m jealous that every day of the week will be the weekend for you. Have a good life ahead!

Congratulations on leaving the job and not getting fired after missing so many deadlines!

Who said bosses have to be scary? Seeing you, I’ve come to believe that bosses are not only scary but also frightful!

Your retirement hurts me; not because you’re leaving, but because of the worry that what if the next boss also happens to be like you?

I’ve always been more excited about your retirement than my own, and you can obviously guess why!

We will miss you, boss, other than your screaming, glowering, and pretty much showing up at the office.

You’re done bossing us, now you can do it around your grandkids and pets; because bossing is in your blood.

Dear husband, congratulations on your new-found freedom! keep calm and have fun.

Happy retirement, love. And if you ever miss your workplace, I can be your boss, for free!

Now that you’re done with your other job, you can go back to your main job- annoying me 24/7.

Finally, you’ve retired, and you cannot give the excuse of work anymore. Marriage is going to be great again!

Thank God, now I have a new 24/7 assistant at my home! Happy retirement to my life long helper.

Happy retirement hubby. I’m happier on your retirement than you. At least you have no excuse to make time for me.

I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.

Welcome to the old man club. It’s time to gossip about joint pain, high bp, sugar level, and Et cetera Et cetera.

If life is a meal, retirement is its dessert. To enjoy it, stay fit, and don’t let your blood sugar go high!

Congratulations to a lazy-bone like you for completing work-life! Finally, you can go back to being your true self.

I wanted to wish you a fun retirement. But with this old fat body, I don’t see any fun coming towards you.

Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sunday? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.

Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.

It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time free retirement.

Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.

All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grand-kids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.

Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office, nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.

“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” – Gail Sheehy

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements

“Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.” – Emily Claire Tamblyn

“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R C Sherriff

“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” – Author Unknown

“People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.” – George Burns

“The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode.” – A. Major

“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret

“We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.” – Dave Allen

“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” – Gene Perret

“A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.” – Harry Mahtar

“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” – Branch Rickey

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples.” – George Burns

“Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too.” – Bill Vaughan

“I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick

“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron.” – Hartman Jule