Friendship is something every person needs and strives for. People need friends to share happy moments of their life with them, help when they have difficulties and just be together because they enjoy the company of one another. Friends aren’t just given, people always choose whom they want to be with. And sometimes we choose absolutely wrong people. When you feel that friendship weighs you down instead of giving you freedom and fulfillment, you should reconsider your relationship with this person. For many years I’ve been trying to fix my relationship with my childhood friend, but I just wasted time. In fact there’s no need to change people if you’re dissatisfied with their personality, even when it comes to your friends. Fellows, who constantly complain, condemn or let you down, shouldn’t be the part of your life. Read on to learn several smart ways to free yourself from toxic friends.
1. Understand that you’re in toxic friendship
Sometimes it’s really hard to recognize that you’re in toxic friendship. Toxic friends usually are perfect manipulators who can rule your life and you don’t notice that. They often make you feel guilty, using emotional blackmail. When they get what they want, they just disappear from your life. You can also deal with toxic friends if they prove to be unreliable or self-centered. You know that true friendship is about giving and receiving. However, one-sided friendship never goes too far. Being jealous about your success, insincerity and bad influence are also all signs of unhealthy relationship. If this is exactly what you have, you should start acting.
2. Decide whether this relationship is important to you
It may sound weird since it’s obvious that you should get rid of people who poison your life. However, sometimes people make efforts to save their friendship, just like I did. I always believed in the better side of people’s personality and connived at their shortcomings. I was too compassionate and I just couldn’t forget our common memories. And it’s so hard to realize that you were just exploited after so many years of friendship. Other reasons to stay in unhealthy friendship include personal advantages like employment, confidence or legal contracts. If all your attempts to alter your friendship fail, you should forget about that person. Realize that you deserve a better person to be friends with.
3. Keep a certain distance
Whenever you understand that you’re in toxic friendship you should try to set some boundaries and limit the contact with this person. Bear in mind that toxic friends aren’t that easy to get rid of and most probably you’ll have to be rather persistent and firm in your decisions. Toxic friends are also likely to act like victims or blackmail you. They might even try to insult you or hit your sore point. Ignore them. Ignore their phone calls, messages, pretend that you’re busy or do whatever you can to stay away from these people. Gradually, they’ll realize that it’s useless to bother you and chances are they’ll vanish.
4. Have an open dialog
If your attempts to ignore your toxic friend came to nothing, try to have an open dialog and say directly what you think. It’s really quick and effective way to end your toxic friendship and save your time and nerves. You should really meet your friend and share your thoughts instead of sending long emails or explanatory messages. Remember to be polite and inoffensive as much as you can. Avoid highly emotional words and just state facts. Chances are your friend will pay attention to your words and you remain friends. In general, you’d better have a dialog once you feel something’s wrong. But if he or she becomes resentful, defensive and aggressive, you should immediately end the conversation and actually your friendship.
Read also – 10 Rules to Follow If You Want to Be Happy
5. Disappear from their life
Undoubtedly, you have a lot of common friends and fellows and it will be really hard to explain the problem to them. You’ll find it difficult to hang out with the same company and behave as if nothing has happened. Try to avoid the places and the people you used to visit together for some time. Don’t air your dirty laundry in public, on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Just live your usual life without this person. I know, that’s easier said than done. But you’ll soon adapt to your new way of life without nonstop negativity, complains, resentment and your toxic friend.
6. Learn to forgive
When I ended my toxic relationship with a friend I felt betrayed, absolutely empty and defeated. Sure, I felt resentful. I was angry with my friend and with myself as well. However, unless you learn to forgive your offender, you won’t heal your wounds and your soul. You may say it directly or just forgive in your heart. To forgive doesn’t mean to forget. You just have to accept this situation and move on with a new experience. Forgiveness will help to heal your soul. After all, what’s the use of being angry with someone if you aren’t friends anymore?
7. Find new friends
What should you do when everything is over? Yes, you should find a new friend. Don’t get me wrong, finding a friend isn’t as easy as eating your breakfast. I just mean that you shouldn’t become aloof and indifferent. Yes, you need some time to recover, but make sure it isn’t going on for too long. Go out, travel, get new experience. Not only will it help you to switch your attention from your grief, it will also enable you to meet a lot of people and new friends. Remember that life goes on and losing your friends isn’t the worst thing that may happen.
It’s always difficult to decide to get rid of toxic friends. It’s about restless doubts, hope, memories and compassion. People usually tend to give one more chance, but it doesn’t help. You should understand that your life is too short to spend it with wrong people. Ending your toxic friendship enables you to find true friends and life a happier life. Have you ever had to end a toxic friendship?