7 Ways to Reconcile with Your Parents
From time to time even problem-free and well-to-do families go through interpersonal conflicts, quarrels and other problems, because every family is the union of older and younger generations. One day, the relationships between parents and children just come to a standstill and they, unfortunately, prefer to sort out their relationships instead of trying to find a peaceful solution to family problems and reach mutual understanding.
Modern kids and young people don’t show enough respect to their elders, like previous generations did. They prioritize emancipation, independence and grow up not by the day, but by the hour. As a result, older generation finds it difficult to teach, support and come to understanding with the younger one. Children often move in their own directions, make stupid mistakes, sever ties with their family members and close the eyes to their parents’ valuable pieces of advice.
I think that we should always honor our moms and dads, no matter how old we are. You may choose friends, loved ones, but you cannot choose parents, because your family is thrust upon you. Even if your parents are far from being perfect, you should honor them and try to reach coordination, respect and harmony in the relationship with them. If you really want, but don’t know how to make the first step towards reconciliation with your parents, then read on. Just follow these small pieces of advice and you’ll be able to make it up with your parents in a quite short period of time.
1. Curb your arrogance
No matter how you slice it, arrogance is often the root cause of conflicts between people. Arrogant personalities usually cannot reach a compromise, because they think that they’re always right and stick to their guns regardless of everything.
The same trouble usually takes place in the relationships between parents and children. It’s absolutely normal when children consider themselves independent and want adults to treat their opinions with respect. At the same time, it’s also okay when parents think that they should share their experiences, teach their kids, help them find their true calling and make attempts to protect them from harm. Unfortunately, both parents and children cannot understand each other and refuse to yield a point in various debates due to the negative effects of arrogance.
If you find the process of reconciliation with your parents extremely difficult, it means that the level of arrogance in your heart is a bit overstated. Before you make any steps towards reconciliation, you should reduce your ego and arrogance first. This action will clear your soul from negativity and help you look at the problem from a different angle.
2. Prepare yourself for a difficult conversation
When your mind is clear of hatred, arrogance and anger, you can take a sober glance at the situation and understand what’s really going on. I’ve always believed that a good frank talk is the thing that can melt the ice of resentment in the hearts of people and resolve family conflicts.
A reconciliatory talk with my parents has always been an extremely responsible and challenging event to me. I usually spent nights thinking how to reach the most productive and positive outcome of those conversations. Thankfully, my sincere confessions and excuses put a stopper on discords and conflicts between me and my parents.
If you’ve already decided to have a talk with your parents, make sure you dedicate enough time and effort to the preparation for it. Nobody knows whether the conversation will flow easily or not. Before the conversation, it’s crucially important to write down your thoughts to understand what you’d like to express and reach. Furthermore, you should release expectations and be ready that the conversation won’t go according to your plan.
3. Initiate the talk
If you’re morally ready for reconciliation, try to find a suitable moment to have a talk with your parents. Try not to give great and memorable speeches, because your parents may find your words and apologies artificial. Just speak from the heart and act naturally for them to believe that your intentions are pure.
The productivity of the talk depends mostly on the level of conflict. If your parents still treat you like a child, then the talk can help you solve this problem. All you have to do is tell your parents that you’re an already independent and self-sufficient person who can make decisions and take responsibilities. But you should say it with confidence, if you want them to believe you and give you more space. You should keep in mind that regular quality chats with your dearest and nearest increase the level of trust and understanding in families.
4. Write a letter to them
Unfortunately, very often, curbing your pride isn’t enough. If the feeling of resentment in the hearts of your parents is strong and they just ignore you, then try to look for alternative ways of reconciliation. Instead of thinking that everything is lost, write a handwritten letter to them. I can state with confidence that such a gesture will clear their souls of arrogance and prove them that you show repentance for your offensive words or actions.
I must confess that this old school reconciliation method is my favorite one. When writing a letter, I can easily focus on my feelings and find the words that will certainly pull at my mom’s or dad’s heart-strings. If you write a touching letter to your parents, they’ll have an opportunity to understand your feelings, forgive you and reconsider the problem by rereading the letter many times. I’m sure your parents will appreciate this gesture and initiate a long-expected talk with you.
5. Control your emotions
Conciliatory conversation between you and your parents is the time when you should keep your emotions and ego under strict control. I understand that sometimes it’s hard to suppress the feeling of resentment and close your eyes to many things, especially if you’re completely sure that your parents have initiated the conflict, but try to show solidarity with them regardless of everything. Remember that one careless word can lead to another and finally touch your parents to the quick.
If you’re a very impetuous person by nature and you think that having conciliatory conversations isn’t your pair of shoes, pay attention to other ways of reconciliation. Those who prioritize conversations shouldn’t forget to find a healthy outlet for suppressed emotions, because deep-seated unexpressed emotions can have a detrimental effect on both mental and physical health.
6. Deeds, not words
When I was a child, I didn’t know that a simple conversation or a letter could help me reconcile with my parents. I believed that good deeds and acts of kindness were much better and more useful than just excuses. When I was out with my parents, I usually gave their room a thorough cleaning to reclaim my faults. Frankly speaking, it didn’t solve the problem, but this act of kindness significantly improved the atmosphere at home and helped me win the favor of my dear parents.
Now that I’m an adult, I realize that this effective way of reconciliation isn’t the best one, but I can state with assurance that it really works. The main thing isn’t to buy gifts or something else, because it’s not a kind gesture, but a kind of a bribery that can only spoil a family relationship. Try to do good deeds on a regular basis and the frequency of conflicts in your family will decrease.
7. Seek professional help
Today many people cannot build harmonious and peaceful relationships in their families due to unresolved psychological problems. If you and your parents are psychologically healthy, then the pieces of advice mentioned in this article will sooner or later lead to a desirable result. This is only the matter of time, but it requires a lot of patience.
In most cases, much depends on the origin, depth and intensity of the conflict. If everything has gone too far and you feel that the situation is incredibly complicated, you should seek professional help or just ask wise and qualified people for a valuable advice. I believe that a good psychologist will help you find the right approach to your parents and tell you what to do if the problem is with you.
Like all human beings, your parents will die one day. If you really love them, you should finally swallow your pride and do something to reconcile with them before it’s not too late. Your love, care, attention and warmth can significantly increase their longevity. Do you often quarrel with your parents? What other effective ways of reconciliation do you know? We’d like to know your point of view!