Office romance is a wonderful thing that makes the hearts of pathological workaholics beat faster and adds color to their lives. Unfortunately, many of these people do not realize that office romance has a dark side as well. One day office romance can turn into a cold war and spoil the quality of life of both partners. Ex lovers delete their mutual photos and do everything to get rid of reminders, but it often does not work, because they meet in the office on a regular basis.
The easiest decision is to change the job and automatically leave the battlefield, but the end of an affair with a colleague is not the reason to run to extremes. It is necessary to hang out the white flag only when the situation is really critical.
The main thing is to keep a cool head and try to address the issue peacefully. It will help you save your reputation at work and shift the focus from your ex. Here are 8 pieces of advice that will certainly alleviate the effects of failed office romance in a quite short period of time.
1. Dot the I’s and cross the T’s
When everything is over, both you and your ex should come to the negotiating table to discuss your future cooperation and reach a suitable agreement. Explain that mixing work and personal affairs is a bad idea. Make an attempt to agree on a neutral behavior and promise that you will not provoke or bother each other regardless of everything. Neutral behavior is the most reasonable decision that will help you save your job and peacefully coexist under the same roof.
Your colleagues have no desire to witness the drama and take part in your verbal duels. They just want you to do your job properly and behave in a professional manner. Furthermore, both of you should not forget about professional etiquette in the workplace. Whether you want it or not, you should treat your ex with respect and avoid sarcastic remarks.
2. Do your best to quickly bounce back
There is one step from a breakup to sadness and long-lasting depression. If you spend the nights crying about your ex and wondering why, you should finally weep yourself out and master your strength to set the priorities straight. Before you cross the threshold of your office, you should remind yourself that it is critical to leave the seven dwarves outside, no matter how much it hurts inside.
No one is interested in your troubles. On the contrary, your confessions can be used against you by your evil-wishers. One of the most effective ways to recover from a breakup is to shift the focus from your sufferings and channel your energy into the work. This way, you will be able to kill two birds with one stone. First of all, if you turn into a busy bee, you will not have time to think about your ex. Secondly, you will show your boss that you are a worthy and productive employee.
3. Communicate with your ex as seldom as possible
Have you ever heard about the tactics of avoidance? This is an old school strategy that will help you significantly reduce communication with your ex. If you feel that your emotions are running a little hot, take a long-awaited vacation to have some fun, let out steam and forget about all troubles.
Yes, not everyone can afford to take an impulsive vacation. If it is impossible to disappear for two weeks, try to analyze your ex’s working day and schedule your day in a way that will help you stay away from each other as much as possible.
One or two times, you can skip your office parties, but if you do it on a regular basis, then your absence will be noticed by the higher ups. Some of your colleagues will regard your absence with understanding, while others can consider it as a sign of disrespect. If you decide to go to the office party, take control of your drinking, because alcohol can only intensify your inner pain and loosen the tongue.
4. Do not even think about revenge
If you have just broken up with your colleague, you would better maintain a distance during at least a month. Every time you see your ex in the office, do your best to overcome a deep seated desire for revenge. If you find it difficult to resist the temptation to take revenge, you should destroy all blackmail shots and get rid of the info that can seriously discredit your ex in the eyes of the colleagues.
Moreover, try to refrain from playing dirty tricks on your ex. If you think that your, at first glance, insignificant actions will give your ex a good lesson, then you are mistaken. Sure, it will have a detrimental effect on them, but it will also give birth to conflicts, financial loss and instability within the company.
Read also – 7 Soulful Ways to Survive When Your Heart Is Breaking
5. Avoid gossiping
No matter how hard you try, you will find it difficult to conceal your office romance from pathological gossipers. Every office has at least one gossip girl who is the goalkeeper of all things happening inside and outside the office. If you do not want your colleagues to pull you and your ex to pieces, you should keep your personal life private and try not to set the tongues wagging.
It is OK to talk about the problems, but keep in mind that such confessions and information will only add fuel to the fire. If you have no one to share your pain with, speak to a psychologist. This is the only one who will hear your out, provide support and keep everything a secret. Do not spread gossips and try not to talk about your ex in a negative manner at work. It will help you save your reputation and avoid negative consequences of your failed workplace romance.
6. Control yourself
Not everything in a relationship depends on you. If you communicate politely, avoid gossiping and prefer not to mix personal and work affairs, then it does not mean your ex will behave in a noble way as well. You should prepare yourself for the probability that they will get vindictive and cross the line. No matter what happens and what dirty tricks they may play on you, it is crucially important to keep your composure and act responsibly.
Surely, it is difficult to stay cool, when someone is trying to publicly undermine your authority or spreads dirty rumors. If you make a decision to reciprocate, you’ll just fall in the eyes of your colleagues. Every time someone makes an attempt to wound your pride and discredit your personality, you should always remember that two wrongs don’t make a right. Without a doubt, if you follow this advice, the rest of colleagues will follow your lead.
7. Ask HR manager for help
A visit to the HR manager is the last resort that can help you resolve this delicate problem. But you should involve HR only in case you feel that the situation has gone out of control and you have no possibility to perform your duties effectively. The statistics show that HR managers do not like to get involved in conflicts between employers, but if you are a productive employee, then they might do their best to put an end to the conflict.
These usually emotionally tough people have a say within their companies and can easily curb the temper of an annoying employee. But remember, your request can lead to unpredictable and undesirable consequences. Before you ask for help, make sure you are not the instigator of the conflict. Furthermore, it is not recommended to involve HR if office romances are forbidden at your company.
Read also – 5 Great Reasons to Have an Office Spouse
8. Change the job
The decision to change a job is an extreme measure that should be used only in exceptional and rare occasions. If you are constantly blackmailed by your ex and you cannot stand it anymore, then wave goodbye to your sufferings. If you ask your HR manager for help and it will not move the situation off dead center, or you do not want to drag others into your conflict, find another job for the sake of your emotional well-being.
Another case when you should change your job is a failed relationship with your boss. Neither HR manager nor your professionalism will help you retain your employment, if you get in wrong with your boss. If you want to change everything for the better, you should forget about your failed office romance and turn over a new leaf.
Many people start office romances because they wholeheartedly believe that a relationship with a colleague or a boss can yield special privileges. While it can make your way to the top of the career shorter and easier, practical experience proves that it can poison the life of an employee as well. I hope this article will help you end your failed office romance with dignity and realize that the affair with a colleague is a bad idea.